so frustrating

So today my mother in law comes home and tells me that she was thinking of me while she was at work. This perks my interest as i know she cares deeply about me. So, as I should have, I ask her what about. She proceeds to tell me that she was thinking about me and fitness. That she wants to see me get healthy and fit and in shape before I have another child. I can understand this, and at face value it seems harmless. However, she is constantly saying something about my weight. HELLO!!!!! I know I'm big damn it. Do I need it thrown my face daily???we've talked about it before. I've told her my intentions of losing weight, even told her my goal weight. You know what she tells me??? OH MY GOODNESS!!! I could never imagine being 175. When I was pregnant with Mike (my husband) I got up to 180 and I thought I was going to explode. Well you know what??? That's freaking awesome. Thanks for the damn confidence that I'll be healthier. I can't be 130lbs. I just can't. I wasn't meant to be. I've been there before and I looked sick and like I was going to die. It's so frustrating and I feel like I can't say anything to her about it because her intentions are good. I need her support and not criticism. How do I do it nicely??? I'm at the end of my rope with trying to be nice. I just had kid #3. The weight is not going to just fall off, and if you think it is you're sadly mistaken and you're being hurtful.


End rant. :(

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

In the beginning...

It's amazing how once upon the time I used to weigh only 154 lbs. WOW some people might say, but for me, that's amazing. Fast forward 12 years and 3 kids later, and I'm topping out at 240lbs. That's nearly 100lbs heavier (really, at this stage, what's an extra 10lbs?). I am so unhappy about my weight that it's starting to effect how I look at myself. I had a discussion with my husband just recently and told him that I really have a distorted image of what I REALLY look like. I don't feel like i'm 240lbs. Maybe 200....but not 240. Most of the time, I don't think that I should be in size 20 jeans. I like to believe that I can wear 18's at least. I just know that it's time that I change this. Amanda inspired me by using this site, so I will do the same. On New Year's Day, I will weigh myself, and go from there. My goal weight is going to be 175lbs by December 31st. That will average out to 5 1/2 pounds a month. I am confidant that I can accomplish this. It's going to be hard, as pastries are my vice (omg the cobbler my father in law made today is AWESOME!), but it's not impossible. Feel free to encourage, as I will need it!